Everything You Need To Know About Swinger Dates- the good, the bad and the reality!

Everything You Need To Know About Swinger Dates- the good, the bad and the reality!

All of us have been on awkward and uninspiring dates, and nothing is worse than the two of you sitting there, avoiding making eye contact, idly fingering the menu and talking about the weather. A while ago, I went on a date with a guy who used a profile picture that was a much younger version of himself (I think this is catfishing?), and although the date was fun and we had some chemistry, I wasn’t feeling it.

I’ve had dates that have been complete non-starters (one guy who talked the talk, but when it came down to it…well) and some dates that didn’t feel ‘right’. The point I want to make is this: it is hard enough to date when you’re single! But when you introduce swinging into the mix, chances are, you will be going on dates as a couple.

However, going on dates and making small talk and getting to know one another is precisely what you have to do if you want to have a great, sexy experience with another couple. But at times, for whatever reason, swinger dates don’t work out. The initial date can be a disaster even if you chat online for a few weeks beforehand. Luckily for you, my loyal readers, here is my guide to Everything You Need To Know About Swinger Dates- the good, the bad and the reality!

Where to meet potential swingers for dates?

Once you dip your toe into the online swinging world, you will discover plenty of swinger dating sites and swinger groups with members’ pages. Social media sites such as Instagram and Facebook can be used by others in the lifestyle to advertise parties, swinger holidays, or to connect with other swingers and share ideas and information. You can grow your online world through social media and connect with other like-minded people in your area. Meeting swingers at parties or meetups are another way to exchange details.

Perhaps you are new to a party and don’t feel comfortable playing in a public setting just yet, but are happy to be approached by a couple and exchange details to meet later.

The importance of a swingers date.

Whatever method you use to meet swingers, a swinger's first date is vital if you all want to have a great time. You can discuss ideas and desires in a relaxed setting, and there’s no pressure to play. You can test the water by having a ‘vanilla’ first date with another couple. The four of you must have chemistry with your clothes on! You need to understand what one another’s limits are, what rules you have to follow and what your all hoping to gain from the experience.

By having a swinger’s first date in a neutral environment, in a coffee shop or perhaps a picnic, you can focus on how being around the other couple makes you feel. Are these the sort of people you want to get naked with? Are they comfortable and secure? Do they share your views on the importance of safe sex? 

Why is it important to exit a swinger date

As with regular dating, if you’re not feeling the situation or have reservations about the other person or couple, you must call time on a situation that could progress into something more. By no means am I suggesting ghosting the other party or being abrupt or rude, but by politely and respectfully declining their offers or advances, you can maintain their dignity and avoid any guilty feelings.

If, for whatever reason, you believe all parties are not on the same page, then it’s a good idea to take a step back from the situation. Being accused of leading someone on is horrible, especially if you didn’t intentionally mean to. By being honest about your feelings and intentions towards another person or couple, you will learn how to successfully navigate your way through swinger dating!

How to exit bad swinger dates- my top tips!

• Prepare a plan to leave. I never let a date drag on for too long. Short and sweet is essential; even if it’s going well, dragging it out makes for a potentially awkward experience. If you are meeting in a coffee shop, then announcing you have to do some shopping that afternoon is an excellent strategy. Likewise, announcing you have dinner plans is another subtle way to excuse yourselves politely. If you are in a club and don’t feel comfortable playing just yet, then simply stating, ‘I think we are going grab a drink; it’s been lovely chatting‘, conveys the same message. Never let things simply overrun in the hope that they lead to you all getting down to it. Any conscientious swinger couple would never dream of doing this and understand the importance of an initial first date. Even if the date goes well, discussing it over dinner between the two of you should be the next step for any savvy couple.

• Agree on a code word. If the date isn’t going as well as planned for whatever reason, or perhaps you just both feel too uncomfortable then having a code word signal can be very useful. Imagine you had been chatting to a couple online for a few weeks. You shared likes and dislikes and it all sounded hopeful. Then, on the day of the date, when you arrived, they openly bickered and were rude to one another in front of you. Awkward! What would you do? You can’t turn to one another and start discussing a strategy. Here’s what you do; have a code word ready. It could be that you look at your phone and say ‘ oh, the babysitter has called me‘ or ‘ my boss has been emailing again, I think I need to answer this’. Whatever excuse you give, you state your reasons and leave.

• Don’t be inclined to drink too much. Alcohol lowers our inhibitions and puts our rational brain to sleep. I avoid drinking excess alcohol in all swinger situations, especially when attending dates. If you drink too much, chances are you will be more likely to let the date drag on, and I don’t need to tell you that alcohol can lead us to make some poor decisions. Keep it classy; one or two drinks is perfect!

• Have your transport planned. If you are driving to the date then being in control of how and when you leave is especially useful, should the date turn out differently than you planned. If you have gotten the train, then announcing that ‘ our trains are due in ten minutes‘ is another way to politely bring the date to a close. Don’t rely on other swingers for a lift to or from the meeting place, especially if you don’t hit it off! This would be so awkward! Make your own plans and stick to them!

• Be honest but not rude. Being honest with the other couple about how you are feeling is essential. If they have kinks that aren’t your thing, then don’t agree to it, simply to be polite. If they like playing with couples but have more voyeuristic tendencies, as opposed to physical ones, but that’s not what you are looking for, let them know in a polite and friendly manner. ‘ Thanks for a great date guys, it was awesome to meet you both, but I don’t think we are after the same things; happy swinging‘ is a perfect way to say thanks, but no thanks. Opening up about your fetishes is hard enough to do in your relationship, never mind airing them to other people. Welcoming others ideas and respecting their desires in a sex-positive way is what being a savvy swinger couple is all about! Never shame other couples. Just because that’s not your thing, it doesn’t make it wrong!

• Don’t blame the other party. If things don’t turn out as you planned, or perhaps you don’t find the other couple as physically attractive as you hoped you would, you should never directly blame them. Even if you feel they have portrayed themselves poorly, pointing that out is not only rude but very insensitive. If you experience awful behaviour from them such as coercion or bullying, then wanting to demonstrate that you don’t get down like that is perfectly understandable.

But again you don’t have to do so in a way that points the finger of blame; chances are they wouldn’t accept the responsibility anyway, especially if they are used to coercing others. Phrases such as; ‘we are looking for a couple who are little more on our wavelength’ or if you liked them as people, but weren’t feeling it, ‘You guys were lovely, thanks for meeting us, but we felt the chemistry wasn’t quite right‘ simply nips the date in the bud. Don’t be inclined to leave the invitation open by saying things such as ‘ we aren’t ready to play at this time‘ as that simply reads as ‘ we might play with you in the future.’ And, if you have no intentions of doing so, you might be accused of leading them on! Be confident about what you want to say. Don’t leave any wriggle room!

• Feeling guilty after a bad date is a familiar experience. I, for one, hate feeling this way. You know the other person has enjoyed the night, and you want to explore the chemistry, you really do, but you just can’t! Then they message you politely to decline their offer of another date, and are then riddled with guilty feelings about being a bad person simply because you didn’t feel the spark. I’ve had this experience with couples and regular dates. Should you give them another chance or try harder? Are you a bad person for not fancying them?

No! Be true to your selves and your desires. If you go on a date with a couple and they are looking to meet a partnership where the guy is Bi, but this is definitely not your thing, tell them without feeling bad! It’s not your fault or their fault. It’s just not your thing. Thank them for their honesty and assure them that they will meet their ideal match soon! Red flags to look out for on swinger dates

• Couples who argue and bicker! This is such a turn-off; remember that you want to present yourselves as rock solid and should only play with drama-free swingers. Genuine swinger couples hate drama! If they argue in front of you, politely make your excuses! • A couple that relies too heavily upon alcohol or drugs to have a good time should be avoided. A social;l drink is fine and perfectly acceptable, but too much spells disaster! Irresponsible drinking can lead to careless, unsafe sex. 

• Coercive behaviour. If you suspect either party is being coerced into swinging, then that is a major red flag. Avoid couples where you suspect one or the other is being pressured into it. I’d hate to play with people who weren’t genuine swingers.

• If you suspect one of the parties is not being honest with the other one, for example, if you get sent dick pictures in private, or they want you to meet them alone, then this is a big no-no! Avoid any swingers like this. This type of behaviour is widespread amongst people who like the idea of swinging, but don’t understand how it works, and in my book, it is not swinging! My top tips for after a swingers date If you leave the date at a respectable time, and don’t indulge in too much alcohol, you can discuss the date whilst it’s still fresh in your mind.

This can be in private over dinner or while snuggled up in bed! Sharing your thoughts on how it went in relaxed private surroundings is vital. If the date wasn’t quite as you had planned, or you had a great time, but don’t feel comfortable getting down to it just yet, by having an open and honest discussion, you will both gain an insight into what you’re comfortable with. If you do want to see the couple again, a simple text or message the next day saying ‘thanks for meeting up, we thought you guys were great, it would be lovely to see you again for another date Is all you need to be polite and let them know your thoughts. Sexting them is simply not cool! Likewise, if it didn’t go as planned, then simply thank them for the date, but tell them that you do not want to pursue things.

I hope you have enjoyed this post, and even if you do have a lousy swinger date, don’t let this put you off! There are some fantastic people out there, and once you go on a few dates, you will become more confident and grow as a couple!